All About The Family: The Wife (Pt 3)
1 Corinthians 7:4-7
“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.”
Continuing on the same theme as yesterday we will talk about more way in which the wife can engage her husband in a loving and effectual way that will prompt him to open his heart.
“The following statements aren’t all conclusive to all members of the feminine gender. Each individual wife is unique and has her own gifts in the confines of her marriage. The reader should NOT automatically assume that all women are all the same or display similar behaviors but use these statements as guide while understanding their own wife’s behavior and emotional pattern. Not all statements in this devotional are true for your wife or all women in the world. Please take all statements with a grain of salt unless discussed with your beloved spouse. Thus it has been spoken!”
I. The Secret Of Understanding The Woman
Another way in which the wife can win her husband’s heart can be found in our text today.
“Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
What does this mean? Let’s break this down into bite sized portions:
“Defraud ye not one the other” – The word defraud actually means to deprive of something. So what is being deprived? One and another! The text says “Defraud ye not one the other”. That seems pretty clear to me! “Don’t deprive your spouse of their rightful time with you.” How does this happen? Do people actually do this? OH YES!!!
- The wife gets angry at the husband and she doesn’t necessarily feels like being nice and sharing towards him.
- Wifey has been working a ton of hours and doesn’t feel like sharing with her husband.
- Wife tells husband that she feels as if he doesn’t care about her as a person but as a “provider” and the wife begins to withdraw her love.
- Wife and husband agree to fast physical affection for 1 week after talking and agreeing together.
- Wife gives more time to someone or something while depriving her husband.
- Wife asks husband for a break in intimacy because she doesn’t feel well, she promises to engage him in a day or two when she feels better.
Well first off, these scenarios according to the scriptures, seem a bit out of order except one! Why? Look at the bible verse! “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
These can be broken down into three categories:
- There is NO consent – If one person is calling the shots when it comes to physical attention this makes them a bully and the other a dependent victim of their spouses love abduction.
- There is NO agreed timeframe – If this aforementioned scenario is played out with no “end in sight” this could set up the dependent lover to suffer from what I call “love disconnect.” This is where they long for their spouses’ attention but the spouse is still hung-up on whatever caused the disconnect. They are waiting for the transgressors to “fix” the situation while the other party is desperately awaiting the restored connection. DANGER: This could be the fodder for an affair!
- There is NO immediate reconciliation – This tends to be the most common issue among married couples. Piggybacking off of the previous point: most people tend to want to “Milk” their partner’s transgressions. This means that they will take every chance to bring up a wrong from the past in order to provoke their lovers to act in a certain way. For example: the wife may remind the husband that he forgot to do something in order to make him change his behavior to benefit her. Why? Will this action provoke him to “Want” to change or is it making him a master at responding to your nagging. When an issue comes up, the couple should do the following actions:
- Identify the issue
- Discuss solutions
- Make a decision (together) on which option will work best in this situation
- Evaluate the option’s progress and effectiveness
- Discuss how to avoid, if possible, these options in the future.
Trying to establish blame for something that has already occurred is like trying to untoast the bread out of the toaster. Lets fix the issue together and then reconcile with each other after we are in a safe place. Wives and husbands are constantly the victim of attack by the world, the flesh and the devil. Don’t let a lack of attention destroy your relationship because of pride and an ignorance of the bible, keep you in the dark and from a fulfilling relationship. In tomorrow’s devotional, we will talk about what to do when you’re uncertain of how to engage your husband. Join us again as we address real life issues with biblical answers on Worship With Willie.