How To Destroy A Family in 5 Days! (Day 4)
Ever since the creation of mankind, the adversary has planned to destroy it and the family. However, I think that the adversary receives too much credit for happenings that weren’t under his power. We do that all by ourselves.
This week we will see how a family can be destroyed in 5 days time. Join us as we learn how to infiltrate the familial defensive lines and destroy the family in 5 days.
Day Number 4
You have been married to your spouse for well over 10 years and find that your marriage has been pretty fulfilling. You and your spouse have endured child-birth, financial changes and even multiple arguments. Today you notice that your spouse does a few thinks that bother you and they have bothered you for years. You never said anything about them because they either cause fights or you two argue and you both quickly forget about it. However, this one “pet-peeve” gets under your skin so badly that you have to say something.
You Say – “Why do you do ______?”
They Say – “What are you talking about?”
You Say – “What you just did! That really bothers me! Could you please not do that!”
They Say – “I never knew that it bothered you so much!”
You Say – “It has ALWAYS bothered me!”
They Say – “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”
A Period of time elapses and they forget and accidentally does that thing that you just asked them not to do.
You Say – “Wow! I just asked you not to do that again and it has been less a day and you do it again!”
They Say – “I forgot!I don’t appreciate your attitude!”
And now the fight begins! In this situation we see that one person has a “pet-peeve” that wasn’t properly communicated and the other person, that trespassed against them, continued to violate the pet-peeve of the first person. One of the most preventable arguments that families endure are “pet-peeve” violations which are nothing more than crossing another’s boundary. In our devotional today, we will cover how they should be established, kept and restored once broken. Join us as we discuss boundaries in the family.
Destructive Events on Day 4
There are 5 things that you should know about boundaries in relationships. Read the list below and conduct an honest assessment. Where does your familial relationship fit into this assessment? Where do you personally fit into this assessment?
- Have You Named Your Limits? – This is the MOST important part of the whole process and it serves as the foundation of boundary setting. If others have no idea of your boundaries, you cannot logically hold them responsible for crossing them. If you have your property clearly marked and people trespass, then you can confront them. If your property isn’t marked, how are they supposed to know this area is your personal area. Does your family, friends and loved ones know your boundaries? Have you taken the time to name them?
- Are You Tuning Into Your Feelings As An Indication Of How You Treat Others? – Unfortunately, most people will treat others based on how they feel at the time instead of how Jesus tells us to treat others. For example: Do you find it difficult to be nice to others when you’re upset with them? If you’re honest, then the answer is YES! We all have that struggle but we read that Jesus tells us to treat others as we would want to be treated. How do we do that? I believe that we need to find the source of our aggression. When a pot is on the stove and boiling over, it will probably not work if you tell the pot to stop. It will continue to boil over. Actions must be taken in order to prevent further issues. Telling another person to calm down will only make them more upset. Your feelings are like a check engine light not the engine itself. Treating others from an emotional position will lead to more emotional drama. Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good person, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us.
- Are You Being Direct? – Too many people see this as being rude or “non-Christian” but some people don’t get the hint with subtile clues or cues. I remember one time I was speaking to someone and they kept cutting me off as I spake to them. My pet-peeve is being interrupted as I am speaking. So, I kindly said “Sir, if you could kindly wait until I finish my statements, you would see what my point of view is.” Of course this person didn’t and eventually, I stopped and said, “Please stop interrupting me, it is rude and impolite. Besides, you asked me a question, and since you asked me a question you should probably listen to the answer!” Needless to say, I had no further interruptions from that young man. He later came up and apologized for the intrusions. Sometimes being direct will allow others to understand you clearly. However, you still must use tact!
- If You Have Had Others Violate Your Boundaries Have You Tried Starting Small? – When people overstep your boundaries, I think that we, in an attempt to gain back control, will try to turn the train around without tracks. If you really want people to successfully follow your convictions and boundaries, start off small. Instead of trying to get people to make a huge change to accommodate you, give a portion of patience to them and allow them to get used to your convictions. However, don’t let yourself become a doormat either.
- Have You Prayed That God Gives You The Patience To Endure? – If you have not trusted Jesus to give you the patience to endure these violations from your family, then you will blow up like a bomb each time they disrespect you. Trying to calm yourself down when people overstep your boundaries appears, to the other person, just as bad as if you didn’t calm yourself down.
When others trespass against us we should consider keeping ourselves calm. We should see it from the perspective of the bible. The bible tells us in Matthew 6:15 “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Lets look at our trespasses as an opportunity to show the love of God instead of showing how ignorant and impatient that we can be. In tomorrow’s devotional, we will talk more about boundaries and how to fix broken relationships. Join us again as we address real life issues with biblical answers on Worship With Willie.