How To Destroy A Family in 5 Days! (Day 3)

How To Destroy A Family in 5 Days! (Day 3)

Genesis 3:1-23

Ever since the creation of mankind, the adversary has planned to destroy it and the family. However, I think that the adversary receives too much credit for happenings that weren’t under his power. We do that all by ourselves.

This week we will see how a family can be destroyed in 5 days time. Join us as we learn how to infiltrate the familial defensive lines and destroy the family in 5 days.

Day Number 3

Today you wake up for work early with the intention to arrive early, but because of going to bed late last night, you wake up sleepy and fall back asleep. When you arouse from your post night nap, you notice that you only have 15 minutes to get ready and be to work. You know that it takes you at least 30 to get ready and get to work. Now, you begin to panic and move quickly, kinda like the flash! However, you stub your toe on one of your children’s toys and now the attitude is on. Then your spouse asks if there is something that they can do to help but you promptly snap at them. Everyone knows that today will be a bad day because YOU were late to work. They say “Stay out of their way if you don’t want to have your head bitten off.” What could you have done differently?

Destructive Events on Day 3

  1. Know that you are entitled to the most/biggest/best. Everyone else’s needs or wants are less important than yours.
    • Know that you are entitled to the most/biggest/best
      • This literally has the implication of believing it’s all about you in a certain situation. Generally people never consider the feelings of others unless presented with an ultimatum! We will selfishly go through life with the idea that others need to cater to our needs, desires and wishes. 
        • For example, when you have a bad day, do you treat others as Jesus taught us to treat them? Or do you show attitudes because you haven’t got your way? It’s almost as if they are the bowling pins in the lane and you’re the bowling ball ready to knock them all over. Is this what Jesus wanted? What would Jesus say about that behavior?
    •  Everyone else’s needs or wants are less important than yours
      • Basically, in a pinch, we forget that those people in the same house as we, are our families. I know that when I am in a bad situation, I inadvertently take it out on my family. This isn’t right or fair to them and it makes you look like a bully. That’s basically what it all boils down to! You being a family bully to your family because you can’t handle the stress. GROW UP!!
  2. Be sure to pronounce your wisdom with the tone of authority. It shows how much smarter you are than everyone else.
    • Be sure to pronounce your wisdom with the tone of authority
      • Isn’t it something that when we get in a position where we feel like someone or something is bothering us that we automatically get on our throne and try to tell others how their wrong? We will take a self-righteous stance as if we are the experts in every subject known to man. In doing this, we will have a stance of self appointed authority whereby we seek to talk down to others because they aren’t on the same level as we. Lord help us!
    • It shows how much smarter you are than everyone else
      • How many times have you seen a person that’s a “know-it-all”? They have this arrogant sense about them as if they have the solutions to all of mankind’s issues. Sometimes, because of their pride, they will believe that they know better than God! DO you realize that we are all that way at times in our lives? Most of the time it comes out when we interact with our families. 

All to often we will believe that our feelings and thoughts are more important than others, which includes our families. We should take a position of humility and endure wrong, to avoid arguments, then use that as a teaching moment. Instead of arguing with your children about something that they did wrong, try leaving the area for a moment to cool off before talking to them in a harsh tone. Then call them into a neutral area and have a calm conversation. Here are a few examples of how to have a calm conversation:

A. Your kids didn’t complete a task or failed to follow through with something:

“Hey guys, lets have a talk. You guys know that it really means a lot to me when you give 100% effort. In the past you guys have done really great at that and it makes me really happy. However, today I asked you to do this and it seemed as if there was no effort like before. Giving 100% makes me very happy, but if 100% is not given how do you think it makes mommy and daddy feel?” 

Let them answer! Do NOT say anything until they respond!

“Can we start over and try this again? I have faith that you guys can give 100% and mommy and daddy can as well. Could we try this again and put this behind us?” 

Doing this will show your kids that you care about them and NOT the thing that they were supposed to do!

B. Your spouse didn’t do something that you asked them to do or they forgot something:

“Hey honey can I talk with you for second? Have I told you that I appreciate all that you do for me lately? You do so much to help out with the family and sometimes I take you for granted. When I take you for granted, it hurts me and makes you not want to do things for our family. You are very important to me and I wanted you to know how important you are to me and this family!” 

Allow them to respond before you go on! Do NOT say anything until they respond!

“I remember yesterday I asked you to pick up our medication from the grocery store and I didn’t see it in it’s normal place. Did I miss it or was there an issue? In the future, if there are issues with this, could we communicate this so that we can work together to resolve it? You are my spouse and I trust your judgement! Our relationship is more important than arguing about this situation.”

This allows the person to know that you care about them more than the thing that you requested they get. Honestly, we will get upset about the thing not being in our house but disrespect our spouse that lives in our house. Lord help us, again!

C. Your pre-teen has their eyes on a member of the opposite sex and wants to attend a party that you don’t approve!

Young Lady

“Hey sweetie, may I take a moment to talk to you about something?” I know that you expressed interest in going to this party with your friends during this time. Can you tell me more about it?” 

Let them speak! Don’t interrupt them! Let them get it all out before you speak. Now while they are speaking, key in on a few things that they say. So when they are done, ask questions about those key things. This makes them feel heard!

“So can you tell me why you want to go to this party? Who will be there? Will there be any chaperones? What will happen at this party?” 

I must say that when you ask them questions, do not ask another question until they answer the current one with an answer that satisfies your inquiry. Bombarding them with questions will only make them fabricate answers to shut you up or to end the encounter. Often times they will run away or seek to hide from this bully. Think of it not as an interrogation but more of a conversation. When you have completed your questions end the encounter with this statement:

“It is important that we know all of the facts before we move forward into the unknown. Once we have all of the facts, it will be easier to make a well informed decision. You are a young adult with ever increasing responsibility but I cannot allow you to attend an event without knowing all the facts. Until we know all of the facts for any event that you desire to attend, it is likely that we will say No. Having all of the facts and contact information is very important for us to ensure that you are safe. So at this time, we will suspend this conversation until all of the facts are gathered. At which time we will make a decision but we will allow you to sit in on the decision making process. Is that fair?”

Young Man

“Hey buddy, can we have a talk? You said that you wanted to attend this party. I have a few questions and concerns. Can we sit down together and talk this over? Can you tell me why you want to go to this party? Who will be there? Will there be any chaperones? What will happen at this party?” 

“It is important that we know all of the facts before we move forward into the unknown. Once we have all of the facts, it will be easier to make a well informed decision. You are a young adult with ever increasing responsibility but I cannot allow you to attend an event without knowing all the facts. Until we know all of the facts for any event that you desire to attend, it is likely that we will say No. Having all of the facts and contact information is very important for us to ensure that you are safe. So at this time, we will suspend this conversation until all of the facts are gathered. At which time we will make a decision but we will allow you to sit in on the decision making process. Is that fair?”

It is important that we not make ourselves look like tyrants or be seen as push-overs that do not care. The essential balance of care and trust must be given. I will say that your children must have exhibited some level of trust before you allow them out. If you can’t trust them in your presence, how can you trust them when they are not? It all begins with establishing boundaries and praising them for remaining inside of the boundaries and correcting them when they do not remain inside of your boundaries. In tomorrow’s devotional we will talk more about boundaries and how they should be established, kept and restored once broken. Join us again as we address real life issues with biblical answers on Worship With Willie. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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