The 5 Love Languages (Acts of Service)
“If ye love me, keep my commandments.“
Jesus spoke and told the disciples the aforementioned scripture and asked them to keep His commandments if they loved Him. What a powerful statement! In our language today we see that we are observing “Acts of Service” or the (AOS). We see that the AOS is a person that views love in a tangible way. Their mentality is “Actions Speak Louder Than Words”! They are usually more in tuned to their loved one or friend showing them love instead of talking about it. Most AOS people indicate their need for love by asking or sometimes repeatedly voicing their need for assistance. Usually, a wife will mention her need for help around the house or a husband will voice his need to be helped on a project.
How many times have you heard a say “I don’t understand _____. Every day he tells me that he loves me, but he never does anything to help me. He just sits on the couch watching TV while I wash the dishes, and the thought never crosses his mind to help me. I’m sick of hearing ‘I love you.’ If he loved me, he would do something to help me.” As Dr. Chapman indicated, from a former client of his, that this type of person is crying on the inside because their primary language is Acts of Service. What does this mean and what can I do to make them feel loved?
- Help With Chores
All to often women and men around the world tell each other that they love one another but their actions do not show it. Jesus loved us and His actions proved it. Romans 5:8 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us”. Love, that is, true love will be accompanied by or with action. So when someone is told that they are loved by another and the action doesn’t support their beautiful words it creates doubt and insecurity. It leaves them to ask “If they love me, then why don’t they show it”. Helping the AOS with household chores is a beautiful way to show appreciation, love and respect to them. I have heard of couples having deep issues because one person is a Words Of Affirmation person and the other spouse is an Acts of Service person. The issues will be that the AOS can verbally abuse the WOA while the WOA can inadvertently isolate from the AOS person because the AOS has the potential to be a little aggressive and sometimes verbally abusive with words. The AOS only seeks to inform that they are in need of action. Having a middle ground where they meet to resolve both issues can helot avoid the awkward arguments. Here are a few helpful hints:
“Hey honey, how do like this to be done?”
“Hey honey, when does this need to be done and would you like me to take care of it?”
A big win is to complete a task that the AOS dreads before they even know that it has been completed. They will arrive home prepared to do this task but now they don’t have to and they can rest. They will see great value in your actions and your reward will be great!
2. Do Thoughtful Things
This area can help you to make your partner or loved one feel appreciated more than you could ever dream. Doing thoughtful things for them gives them the feeling that your service is to make them feel special. These things should be done without complaint, hesitation or grudgingly. Know that an AOS person will quickly know when you are doing this action just to make them feel good or because it is right. For instance, if your loved one doesn’t like to walk in the rain and you hesitate to retrieve the car while they wait, it can cause them to become impatient or upset. The AOS person actually expects the other person to almost read their mind and act before the situation reaches them. Here are a few examples:
Open the car door, get the car/truck/van before they have to walk in the elements, warm-up the car in cold weather and cool it off in hot weather, throw their favorite snuggle blanket in the dryer to get it warm for them, fix their favorite dinner, clear the snow from their car, wash their car, prepare their clothing for the next days work, share their phone before you charge yours, complete your chores before they have to ask you to, wash the dishes right after the meal instead of doing it later (when you clearly have no intention to do them) have thoughtful conversations, give them back or foot rubs, and finally do things for them before you do them for yourself.
3. Make This Action A Habit
When the AOS has experienced your kind action, they will begin to expect this type of behavior on a permanent basis. When you do this type of good deed once and never again, you will not really see the benefit of their expression of love. When you make your actions a habit, you will begin to see a side of them come alive and fulfill you more than you could ever imagine. When you make this a habit, this makes their horrible day seem tolerable because they know that they will receive special treatment from their loved one upon coming home.
What special deeds or acts do you do for your loved one? Do they recognize your acts of service? In tomorrow’s devotional we will explore the last and final love language in our series. Join us again as we address real life issues with biblical answers on Worship With Willie.