The 5 Love Languages (Quality Time)
“After these things came Jesus and his disciples into the land of Judaea; and baptized. And John also was baptizing in Aenon near to Salim, because there was much water there:and they came, and were baptized. For John was not yet cast into prison.
Then there arose a question between some of John’s disciples and the Jews about purifying. And they came unto John, and said unto him, Rabbi, he that was with thee beyond Jordan, to whom thou barest witness, behold, the same baptizeth, and all men come to him. John answered and said, A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven. Ye yourselves bear me witness, that I said, I am not the Christ, but that I am sent before him.”
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
When it comes to quality time we see that even Jesus had a need to spend quality time with those closest to Him. We should seek to do the same with those closest to us as well. The quality time person or (QT) seeks a specific connection to those close to them. This usually involves uninterrupted time with their spouse, friend or lover. All too often we find ourselves so busy that we forget to even take time to enjoy the outside world. We miss the smell of the flowers because we are too busy posting about their colors on social media. The QT takes time to notice things and enjoy the small moments in time. Are you a QT? If not but you know a QT, here are a few things that you can do to speak their language.
- Focus Attention On Them (…and there he tarried with them,)
We see that Jesus tarried with the disciples during His free time that He had but He made it a priority to be with those closest to Him. When we focus our attention on that special someone we show them that they are extremely important to us. Nothing else, during that time, has our attention except that person. We as Christians are reminded to “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…”. Putting Jesus first in our lives speaks volumes to the extent of our relationship with Him. We often make special uninterrupted time for the things important to us. 80% of Americans have made 3 things a priority and spend quality time with them:
- Their Smartphone
- Their Social Media Pages
- Their Televisions
This often leaves their spouses, and those that seek to spend time with them, in want. What about you? If your spouse would give a testimony, what would they say takes up your time? Do you spend real quality time with them or is your attention divided? Many spouses secretly dislike their mate because they are more attached to a device, social media page or TV show than them. It is sad when you know the plot of a TV show or series better than your spouses needs.
2. Quality Time When Your Sweetheart Is Insecure
Most QTs are susceptible to insecurity at times. They view quality time as a measure of how much I’m loves. So when they are away from their loved ones, it feels like they are on an island alone. The QT usually tries to reach out by either texts, emails, phone calls or even letters. Although they love quality time, they usually don’t like to ask for it. They desire this to be organic and without thought. When it reaches this point, the thought of having a partner schedule this without their leading gives them such a rush. However, when this quality time is forced or rushed this makes the QT feel cheap and unimportant.
Scheduling dates makes them feel loved and appreciated.
A night without electronics gives them the feeling that they are appreciated.
3. Don’t Complain About The Time Spent Together
All too often one person will make it verbally known that they have went out of their way to spend time with the QT. This verbal acknowledgement comes across as a guilt trip. The absolute worst thing that you can do to a QT is complain about time spent with them. To complain about the time spent with a QT makes them shut down faster than an overheated engine. If you don’t have the time to spend with the QT try using these phrases:
- I regret that I cannot spend more time with you right now. I so want to stay and spend more time but I have to ________________.
- I know that we didn’t spend a lot of time together, but I will do everything that I can to return back to you as fast as possible.
Here are a few deal breakers when it comes to the QTs and speaking their language:
- Resist the urge to watch TV this says “I know that you’re in front of me but this TV is more interesting than you are!!!”
- Turn the phone off!!! This says “I know that you need me to listen but this person, whom I cannot see, is more interesting to me than you are right now.”
- Keep Eye Contact. This says “Your attention is not on me. You care more about that watch or writing things down than my feelings”.
- Be empathetic and caring. Don’t try to fix their issues or make them feel guilty about wanting quality time. This says “You are more concerned about my words than the meaning behind them. Please hear my words as an expression of what I am trying to say instead of what I have said.”
The QT is a very unique person and has a very unique set of needs. Their need to spend quality NOT quantity time is important. Just because I have spent 5 hours with the QT doesn’t mean that they recognize it as quality time. Many people think that just because they spend hours reading the bible, praying and attending church they are close to God and have spent quality time with Him. I see it like this. I have ten apples in a bag. Eight of them are rotten and spoiled but only 2 of them are quality enough to consume. Which ones would you like, the eight or the two? I challenge you to spend quality time with The Lord and not a massive amount of time with nothing to show for it. In tomorrow’s devotional we will discuss the next love language. Join us again as we address real life issues with biblical answers on Worship With Willie.