The 5 Love Languages (Words Of Affirmation)
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
The bible tells us that Charity, a high form of love, is long suffering, kind and vaunteth not itself, nor is puffed up. All of those words simply mean:
a. Suffereth Long – Another word or patient
b. Kind – Displays grace and tact to others amid and/or despite how they feel themselves
c. Envieth Not – Does not compare the things of others to the things that they lack
d. Vaunteth Not Itself – Does not boast or talk about what they have or how they love; while comparing themselves to the absence of the aforementioned qualities of others. Showing off!
e. Puffed Up – Literally means swollen with things such as but not limited to : knowledge, pride, attitudes, discontent, insecurity and ignorance. This quality means that they come across as a know it all!
What does this mean? It means that these qualities can actually do harm to the loving nature of the soul that is a “Words of Affirmation” lover.
Words Of Affirmation (WOA)
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
This type of love giver and receiver thrives on compliments, kindness, encouragement, positivity and heart-felt words. We also see that this type of person can be crushed and destroyed by criticism that isn’t constructive, unkindness or unthoughtful and cynical behavior or speech, people that demand encouragement but seldom reciprocate, terminally negative people and those that speak an abundance of words but seldom show their heart. Instead they speak about how it has been hurt. These polar opposite qualities will most certainly cause issues with a WOA lover. This will make this type of lover feel as if he/she is alone and their love meter is at half of a tank. They are usually positive upbeat and encouraging to others, so when they tire of giving compliments, it is absolutely vital that they feel this type of love. You can send this type of person to cloud 87 by kindness and a heartfelt compliment. I do caution that this type of lover can sense when the love that they need has been forced, manufactured or is not sincere. Make sure that your compliments and kindness seeks no reward and is done out of love because he/she will sense it and it could cause distance.
The bible tells us how we should love this type of person and what things we shouldn’t do if we truly want to fulfill this person’s needs. Here are a few pointers to loving a (WOA) person or at least reaching them:
- Humility “..charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,…”
Simply put the voice of humility takes responsibility for what it may or may not have done because it knows that the relationship is more important than my own desire to be right. You may have noticed that this type of person generally defaults to humility and excepts responsibility for their faults pretty quickly. Learning to speak with humility is huge to the WOA person because it assures them that you care about how they feel. Here are a few phrases to use:
- I’m sorry for …
- I regret…….
- I will try to….
- I could’ve done ____________ better today.
2. Gratitude & Appreciation “..and is kind; charity envieth not…”
Giving a heartfelt thank you and compliment for things that they do for you or things that are important to them is one way to win their heart. Saying “thank you” or “I love you” may thrill the souls of others but to the WOA person it’s like giving a card to a person expecting a gift. In this WOA person’s mind they are asking “What’s next”. A tip to remember if you desire to win their heart is to always have your “thank you” and “I love you” followed with a heart felt compliment or an explanation why you feel the way that you do.
For instance: ” I love you because you’re such a hard worker for this family and you never complain about it. That makes me want go out of my way to let you know.” This last statement showed that you were: Appreciative, Supportive of them, that you’ve recognized their efforts and how it made you feel.
3. Encouragement “…seeketh not her own,…”
This area is an important area because the encouraging words that you use can recharge their batteries in an instant. A kind and simple honest assessment of their past and can encourage them in the present so that they can inspire another’s future. Nothing kills this person’s ability to function more than having to consistently encourage a black hole. This is a person who receives encouragement but doesn’t change their behavior. This will drain the WOA person. Simply saying you’re doing a good job isn’t going to cut it. Taking the time to explain why you like a particular thing will do more good than you will ever know. Some phrases to consider:
I believe in you
I support you and will even if no one else does
Avoid saying “I don’t understand but I will follow you” to a WOA person its the same as saying “you’re ideas are stupid”.
In tomorrow’s devotional we will finish with the last 2 parts of the Words Of Affirmation type of love. We will then show the relationship of this type of love language in our service to Jesus Christ and how it can be best used in the ministry and house of God. Join us again as we address real life issues with biblical answers on Worship With Willie.